I'm Now a Former Student!

December 18, 2009 I officially graduated from Texas A&M University

Let the Chaos Begin

Trusting in Jesus this week as I start the t-minus 20 day march to marriage.

Finals, graduation, moving, Christmas, a wedding, beginning of a new life...

All of that is so small compared to the greatness of God and His peace.

I am so excited to start a walk of faith with Him into the unknown!

Monday Night Football

The Monday before Thanksgiving (yeah, this post is a little late) I went to my first MNF game! Colin and I drove down to my dad's office and then we all drove over to the stadium. The energy was great and fans were excited...

My two favorite guys... My Dad and my Husband-to-be

Quick snapshot outside the stadium

Great picture of my Dad and me- I was wearing an XL shirt my Dad gave me from September's MNF giveaway... it was big but at least I was wearing "Battle Red"

Some men that everyone was excited about... I think one was a hall-of-famer... couldn't tell you which one though

Colin knew who they were!

Even though I didn't know who they were, I was excited to get a picture with them in the background... well, sort of in the background, I think we're blocking most of them

The Texans lost in a tragic last minute field goal miss... either way, it was a fun night filled with excitement, yelling fans, Shiner bock, good/greasy food, and football. Go Texans!

The Wizard of Oz

I used to watch the Wizard of Oz several times a day every day when I was a kid. It's on TV and I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

Trusting

"Your cross testifies in grace

Tells of the Father's heart to make a way for us

Now boldly we approach

Not by earthly confidence

It's only by Your blood..."

Aggie Ring

I have finally received my Aggie ring!

After transferring from Texas Tech and jumping through hoops to meet all the requirements at A&M I had enough residency hours to get a ring. I'm excited to feel like an official Aggie and have a visible sign on my finger that the end of school is near. My parents came to celebrate with me and my mom even went to her first yell practice!

Hullabaloo, Caneck! Caneck! Whoop!

7am

7am is the time I will set my alarm to wake up tomorrow. 7am is the time that I will come to know the harsh truth of morning. I won't want to wake up, I'll groan, I'll hit snooze, I'll pity myself... until.... the panic. This is when I realize that I've snoozed for 30 minutes and must rush to finish getting ready.

But then (a couple hours later), I'll find myself worshiping with a group of community-- my family-- my church. And somehow, the torture of waking up early to drive to Montgomery, Texas is worth it.

"Do you know how close two people can feel when the round horizon seems so distant and burns so beautiful?"

I was at It's a Grind reading and had to leave... why? Because there was a elderly couple sitting at a table next to me. The woman was old, frail, and seemed like maybe her age hadn't been as good to her as the man's. He got her situated at the small table for two and went to order for them. The order came back as two frozen drinks with whipped cream and a piece of cake for them to share.

This really helped cement what I had been reading, As For Me & My House, by Walter Wangerin Jr. What is marriage? What is the heart of God for marriage?

"Thanne merely whispers, 'Wally? Wally?' And like Abraham when the Lord had called to him, like Samuel running to Eli in a Shiloh of darkness, my soul responds with the thrilling knowledge, and the whole sentence: Here I am. I touch the woman's shoulder with my own. It is enough. She had nothing to say but my name. I had nothing else to do, but to be."

"For Adam has found another being so much like him that she is, in fact, of him. And finding her, who has he found? Why, himself!"

I'm standing at the precipice of singlehood and marriage. It's the path that I'm on and I'm excited and anxious. Permanence. Will I like it? Will I not?

Quo vadis? "Where are you going?"

Tecum, Domine. "With you, dear Lord."

I yearn to be a godly wife to Colin. To be as close to this holy image of God that I have the opportunity to live out. I will mess up, I'll fail the relationship... but I love Colin and I love God. He is going ahead of me.

I had to drop my engagement ring off to get resized... I can't wait to get that thing back on my finger. I love Colin, I can't wait to be married. To be one, "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh..."

131 Days Left

Wisdom Teeth

I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday (and so did my brother!). The doctors were so caring and sweet, they even wrapped me up in a comfy fleece blanket before the procedure... God knew I'd need them!

I started crying as soon as I left the waiting room, and kept crying despite the "laughing gas." It took a little edge off and the IV was not as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't count down from 100 and I woke up really confused-- I even think I was wimpering.

I've watched many chick-flicks, had pain medicine, and even enjoyed a special treat of a chocolate milk shake from Coldstone from Morgan. I've been desperately icing my face to prevent swelling and am ready to recover. I need to also add that I have the best mom in the world, she has been absolutely awesome!

I Get It

The church is the bride of Christ. This isn't new information. It's something that I thought I really "got." As a woman this is a concept (bride) that I've been fixated on since I was a little girl.

I tried my wedding dress on this weekend. Probably 5 times or so, to be exact. I can't wait for it to be January 2nd so I can carefully ready myself for that walk down the aisle. I am so excited about being beautiful, for myself and for Colin. On your wedding day you want to be the best version of yourself you can be! Without giving it away, my dress is white like snow and glitters in the right places. It's flattering to MY figure, and I don't desire to be a size smaller or bigger.

Today I understand a little more what it means to be ready. I want to be pure when I marry Colin. The best version of myself. I want to be close to Jesus because marriage is hard and I'm selfish. I know I need Jesus to be strong and complete when entering into marriage.

But more than that... I understand more what it means to be ready for Jesus coming back. I want my life to be clothing of dignity. I want my heart to be white like snow. I guess I'm a slow learner because it took my trying on a wedding dress 7 times before I listened to that whisper that said "this is what it's like." I know my thoughts are all over the place... it might not make a lot of sense. Or maybe it's remarkable it took me this long to finally get it. Either way, I'm thankful that God speaks to me and is using my relationship with Colin to teach me about himself. I know this isn't an overnight process but rather a mix of steps (just like my wedding)--day by day adorning myself with goodness and the things of God.

I get it!

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Revelation 19:7

Good People

God's given me such joy through the community at Fellowship of Montgomery! What an amazing family with such excitement for growth. I'm glad Colin felt led to be on staff there. I know that Jesus is walking with us through this awesome season of fellowship with these precious people, how refreshing. I am especially thankful for the staff that have made us feel so at home. Dale, Kim, Brian, and Maridee are the real thing and it's fun to make new friends! I have felt so discouraged in finding a church but God always provides for me! He is so faithful.

PS. Colin and I are getting married in 200 days! He brought me the sweetest little bouquet of yellow flowers today... I love him.

The Way I See It #76

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating-- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational histation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."

--Anne Morriss
Starbucks customer from New York City. She describes herself as an "organization builder, restless American citizen, optimist."

Engaged!

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/daynawallen&colinbates

New Life in Spring

Life is sweet. Even on days like today, the middle of the week in Spring just waiting for Summer and change, there are moments of goodness.  Like right now I'm listening to the kind of music that's mellow in all the right ways, sitting in my living room with my roommates while the sun pours in through the sliding door.  Just finished a Diet Dr. Pepper that Colin brought me just because he's like that.  Realizing that God won't stop loving me because I'm moody and inconsistent. Knowing that life is full and that God is big and nothing can mess it up-- not death or tears or the unknown.  Knowing that everyone is a person with a heart and a story.  Sweet delicious lingering moments like this remind me not to worry and just to enjoy.  Happy Easter-- He is risen and alive!

Helpful or Heartless?

"It is Christ. . . who also makes intercession for us. . . the Spirit. . . makes intercession for the saints. . .  (Romans 8:34, 27)

'. . .Beware of getting ahead of God by your very desire to do His will. We run ahead of Him in a thousand and one activities, becoming so burdened with people and problems that we don't worship God, and we fail to intercede.  If a burden and its resulting pressure come upon us while we are not in an attitude of worship, it will only produce a hardness toward God and despair in our own souls. God continually introduces us to people in whom we have no interest, and unless we are worshiping God the natural tendency is to be heartless toward them.  We give them a quick verse of Scripture, like jabbing them with a spear, or leave them with a hurried, uncaring word of counsel before we go.  A heartless Christian must be a terrible grief to our Lord.

'Are our lives in the proper place so that we may participate in the intercession of our Lord and the Holy Spirit?"

-Chambers, Oswald. "Helpful or Heartless Toward Others?" April 1.  My Utmost for His Highest.

This slapped me in the face this morning.

A Poem

After 4 years of doing the same thing one would think that my fascination with school would have declined. However, the excitement mid-Spring semester brings is almost indescribable. The only way to adequately express how I feel about class is to share with you a poem that Colin and I came up with today.

A Poem
C- Cool
L- Learning
A- Academics
S- Scholarly
S- School

Just typing that brings a tear to mine eye. Some are able to write about their recent graduation, new job opportunities, or moves to new and promising cities-- luckily for me, I have the pleasure of repeatedly attending class day after day after day after day.... Sadly, I only have 9 months left!

My Beautiful Friend, Ira

Before I you read this, PLEASE go to Morgan's blog and read about her injury Tuesday night! It is hilarious.

About two and a half years ago I went on a trip to Ukraine. Emily, Ruth, and I went to help the Vanderwerfs with their ministry and taught English three hours a day for two weeks. Well, we were all set up with a teaching assistant and I really feel like I got the best one-- Ira.

Everyday while I hesitantly taught English to a group of students I had never met before I would see Ira (the face of Jesus) smiling and reassuring me that I was doing okay. Her sweet heart made me want to know her and her story and our faith for the Lord made us instant friends. ANYWAY, I was lucky enough to reconnect with Ira last weekend in Houston! She is in the states visiting and a friend, that had also visited Ukraine, flew her down to stay with her in Sugarland.

It is so cool to see old friends and remember the wonderful relationships that God has established in my life. Thanks Jesus for sweet friends that speak to my heart and teach me what it means to be a woman of God. I know that Ira's light shines in the dark places of Ukraine and brings glory to the Lord.

Today Was Good

Today was just a great day.
FIRST, I woke up with a smile on my face from a dream I had-- here's how it went:
I was at my parents' house with my mom (my dad and brother were out of town) when we decided to go somewhere. I suggest Hawaii and my mom says "What the heck, why not?!" So we packed up and headed off to the airport. It was so fun and reminded me how much I love going on trips with my mom-- we're really close and we laugh at the most ridiculous things that don't seem quite as funny when we tell other people about them.
THEN, I went to school. Usually this would be painful but my two classes weren't bad and despite being disgusting, Entomology (study of insects) is actually pretty interesting.
THEN, I went to coffee with my sweet friend, Carrie. We've been meeting this whole school year and finally were able to reconnect after Christmas break-- yeah, I realize it's mid-February.
THEN, I went to lunch with my bible study girls! This is an answered prayer. I asked for girls that I could have community with and here they are! Morgan is also included in this group and our friendship is in such a fun season. I love it! Jesus is so faithful to provide friends!
THEN, I went on a mystery date which included Taco Bell (kind of an inside joke, plus it's good), walking on a path through a park, and ice skating.

Tomorrow is going to be fun as well but this post is already too lengthy.

So to summarize: Hawaii would be fun, entomology is disgusting, Carrie is nice, Jesus is faithful, and Taco Bell is good (and you know that you like it, even if you pretend not to-- is that correct?).

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

*A special thanks to my boyfriend, Colin Bates, for letting me shave a heart into his back-hair. Thanks, Colin, you've really made this holiday special for me ;)

February!

The semester is finally looking up. This weekend was SO good!

Friday Colin and I went to The Woodlands and had a date at the Cheesecake Factory, delicious!
My only complaint about the restaurant is that I always feel like I'm sitting a little too close to the people at the next table.

Sunday I went to church at Faithbridge in Spring. I really like going to church there. It's a big church but seems really healthy and thriving-- the pastor I've seen speak the past two times has had some really great things to say and I'm always excited to listen. I can't wait to go back again!

After church we went to Megan's birthday lunch with some of her friends and family. Megan is such an amazing woman and I'm so fortunate she is in my life! We became pen-pals last week and I'm hoping to keep up this fun correspondence! I actually JUST decided to dedicate this post to Megan since she's encouraged me to keep blogging.

I wish I had a picture of Megan and me on my computer but this one will have to do-- it's from our park play-date this summer.

I'm still new at the blogging thing and I'm going to try and improve my posting, bear with me.

Week 1

It's been a tearful week for a couple people I love. All I know is that God is good. I know that He is what satisfies-- not relationships, not school or careers or addictions.... only Him.
Life is chaos and there's a hum of victory that whispers in your ear to give you peace.
You know those weeks that drag on and on? This is one of them. Wednesday morning feels like a lifetime ago and I'm so glad that the weekend is finally here!

And to switch gears...
24 is amazing. Monday left me in such suspense and I can't freaking wait for the next episode. Lost premiere was on too but I didn't watch it. I watched the first three seasons and I guess I've moved on because it was too much to keep track of. Goodbye Lost, hello 24. Come on, Jack!

It's Cold Outside

There are five days left until A&M begins Spring classes. UGH.
The bad news is that CS is the lamest town I've ever lived in, the plus side is that with a return to school there is a return to friendships. I'm excited for deeper relationships with some really cool girls and continuing ones with my roommates. Thank God this is my last year in college, I'm starting to feel antsy for what's next.
Today I helped with an outreach that passes out free breakfast to any high schooler that wants it (it's finals week here)-- it was an early morning. I guess I need to start transitioning from 12 hour nights of sleep to the college appropriate of 4.
Tonight I'm going to Megan's with Colin to hang out and I'm really looking forward to it. It's cool how God opens up friends in places you would not have expected.
I hope this Spring brings growth and joy. I'm FINALLY an official senior!

Sunday

I don't have the words,
I can't still the water, I can't calm a heart.
I have nothing to offer--
No promises, no life.
I can't solve your problems or even my own,
All I have is love and breath and hands to hold you.
Will You give me the words? Will you teach me Your promises?
I'm here and I'm Yours--
Use my skin, use my mouth and arms,
Use my ordinary for Your eternity.

"Risen"

Risen Magazine: What do you look for in a friend?
Billy Corgan: That they won't leave; they really won't leave. I can't say that about too many people. If someone could peer into our darkest recess, would they still love us?...

RM: How would you describe God?
BC: Well, I don't think they were kidding around when they talk about infinite and omnipotent and. . .

RM: When did your search begin?
BC: It's always been there. I think you sense a continuity in the universe but you don't know how to define it. In my particular case, I came to the conclusion that there's just too much going on to pretend that there's not some sort of consciousness holding this together. It's not just some weird Martian spore that landed on Earth a hundred million years ago. I think it's interesting; I've read some interviews with quantum physicists who say that when they got down to the sub-atomic level it gets even stranger. We're looking for order; we find divinity.

(excerpt from "Risen" volume 3 issue 4 -- December 2004; Chris Ahrens)

Does Billy Corgan believe Jesus is THE way? I don't know, but one has to appreciate his rawness and honesty. Out of all the "Risen" interviews I've read this is my favorite. I love the quote about friends looking into our darkest recesses and still loving us. I know he was talking about friendship but it makes me think about Godliness.
I'm not sure I could love like that outside of God. No thanks. I don't want that drama. Give me superficial, you can keep your reality.
But I see the Man that walked. . . that loved a leper, a whore, a murderer. Maybe there is something more than a give and take currency of friendship.
I have to remember that I am, as Billy Corgan phrased it, "a pain in the ass." I'm sick of cute friendship-- give me Love, tell me when I'm being a pain in the ass (but maybe with nicer words).

How is it Already 2009?

I've been on Christmas break for 3 weeks and I still have 2 more. YES.
Highlights of the break:
-Trip to Houston and Shane and Shane free concert
-Christmas Cookie Decorating Contest @ the Bates'
-Christmas with my family and my new Keurig Coffee Maker!!!
-Trip to Florida to see Grandparents
-New Years in Dallas with friends (and spending almost midnight in the La Quinta Inn Lobby because of check-in problems)
-Movies, movies, movies
-Food, food, food
-Being in a real city instead of College Station

This is my last Christmas break of college and I'm soaking it in, being as lazy as humanly possible, and not showering till noon.
Happy New Year!